A nice place to stay in Standardstown

You’ve just driven into Standardstown. It’s getting late and you need a place to stay. Your GPS navigation system has five listings under “accommodations”, with the following descriptions:

W3C campground

This campground provides well-equipped tents (free wi-fi throughout the camp). It has the most developed community feeling of all nearby accommodations. Every evening residents gather around a bonfire and the camp elders sing cryptic songs. At the end, the elders nod in approval of the moral of the song. Most campers don’t understand the lyrics but they like the melody. There is a recurring argument about how much soap the campground management should provide to guests. Old timers want to do away with this practice, but management is afraid that business travelers won’t patronize the camp if they are not provided with plenty of soap. The camp is located along a river, downstream from a large factory. When stuff floats down from the factory and lands on the shore of the camp, they call it a submission and thank for factory. So far, the attempts to build a clubhouse from the factory rubbish has mainly created eyesores.

OASIS housing development

This housing development is an option for accommodation because its management will give a plot of land to almost anyone who asks. More specifically, there needs to be at least three of you in the car. If you’re on your own, a common trick is to go pick up the village drunk (offer him a drink) and the village idiot (tell him you want his advice). They can usually be found on the main plaza, arguing about the requirements of imaginary users. Once you have your plot of land, the OASIS management maintains electric power, water and sewer but you can do pretty much what you want otherwise. If you just need temporary housing, you can just pitch a tent. As a result of this approach, there are several houses abandoned half-way through construction. This can make it hard to find your way to the house you are looking for. Residents typically don’t know anything about what’s going on in the house next door. You’ll find nice families living next to a crack house.

Motel DMTF

This motel is hard to find because it hides behind high walls. Even once you’re inside, there are segregated areas. Chances are your room card will give you access to the pool deck but not the clubhouse. Make a mental note of the way to the emergency exits, because there is no evacuation map on the wall (the map exists, but it’s considered confidential). We’ve heard that the best suites have a special door for direct access to the management office. After you leave, you can’t tell your friends what happened there. This review itself probably breaks some confidentiality rule.

WS-I Resort

This time-share resort is the newest development in town. By the time it got built, all the good land was taken so they had to build on land fragments leased from other hotels. The facilities are new and nice, but the owners association is dysfunctional. We’ve been told the feud started when a co-owner tried to organize a private mime show on shared land. Whatever the origin of the disagreement it has resulted in veto rules being commonly invoked, stopping most of the activities that the resort was originally planning to offer. But it remains a good option if you just need a place to sleep. The resort marketing has been pretty efficient: before doing business with you, many local companies will demand to see a receipt to show that you slept there.

Hotel ISO

Just getting a reservation there is a month-long process, so this is not an option if you’re already in town. Unfortunately, if you plan to do business with the local government you are expected to patronize this hotel. If that’s your case, the solution is to sleep in one of the other places in town and just go to this hotel for breakfast. Once there, order their breakfast special (called the “fast-track ruber stamp” which, unfortunately, tastes as bad as it sounds) and staple the breakfast receipt to your hotel bill. That should satisfy the city hall staff that they can do business with you.

11 Comments

Filed under DMTF, Everything, Standards, W3C

11 Responses to A nice place to stay in Standardstown

  1. I pulled into Nazareth, I was feelin’ about half past dead;
    I just need some place where I can lay my head.
    “Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?”
    He just grinned and shook my hand, and “No!”, was all he said

    The Band

    Great post!
    johnmwillis.com

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  3. Hilarious. Could say the same of the telecom consortia and IETF.

  4. Alexis: indeed, there are many other hotels in town. The yellow pages list places with names like TMF, IETF, IEEE, OGF, ANSI, OMG, JCP… I don’t know enough about them to provide descriptions, but if you do please add a comment with a description so it can be included in the next release of the GPS software….

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  6. Ashok Malhotra

    William, great post! We need a bit of humor in these troubled times! Thanks!

  7. Umit Yalcinalp

    LOL. I still suffer from back pain from camping at OASIS housing project and w3c. Please note that if one sings a different tune than the camp managers, the individual typically gets booed out despite an original tune and a great voice. I could offer some help writing about SCA development prior to OASIS, but I fear that I may be further beaten up by the thugs who have big tents that have connections to the housing projects. Great Job William!

  8. Per-Olav Gramstad

    You probably wouldn’t find this option listed under accommodations, but if this is Standardstown up north, your stay could be under the auspices of “The Right of Public Access”.

    You may pitch your tent for a night or two in the countryside as long as you don’t disturb any IPR or cause damage to the market.

    It is important that you find a site that is well away from any of the accommodations listed by your GPS and not on land already developed. Choose hardy ground to pitch your tent, and avoid land used for grazing or for growing.

  9. The Liberty Travel Trailer option, proposed by a couple of other readers, certainly bears investigation.

    You may, of course, simply find they are not in town. This well-organised and motivated group opted for trailers in the first place because they are so well suited to the group’s habit of meeting 3 or 4 times a year in locations around the world.

    Apparently surveys suggest that habitués of the various other lodging options find the Liberty travellers annoying because they often claim to have some kind of ‘right of prior occupation’, having frequently visited any given location 5 or more years ago, mapped it out and decided on the best pitches and infrastructure (plumbing, communication, by-laws and so on), before moving on to new pastures.

    Increasingly, it seems, the Libertines spend less time polishing and honing the mechanics of their finely-crafted trailers, and more of it debating the best governance framework for a trailer park, or how to design smaller, more robust trailers for transporting belongings, rather than people.

    They are also apparently working on plans for a less migratory existence, with trailers, tents and condos to be sited in a single harmonious area, most likely in or near the settlement of Concordia.

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